Guys: MAN UP!


Picture this: You are a grown up and looking for a little Halloween Fun. Enter; The Corn Maze!

Woman in tears: Hi, I just called. I'm still stuck at Connors Farms. I don't see anybody....

Getting lost in the Corn maze in In Danvers, Mass. What do you do? Here is what a real couple did…CALL 9-1-1.

  • Woman in tears: Hi, I just called. I’m still stuck at Connors Farms. I don’t see anybody. I’m really scared. It’s really dark and we’ve got a 3-week-old. Police officer: Your husband is with you? Woman: Yes. But my baby… Police officer: A police officer is on the way. Can you put your husband on the phone? Husband: I see lights over there at the place, but we can’t get there, we’re smack right in the middle of the corn field. Woman: I don’t know what made us do this, it was daytime when we came in, we thought if we came in someone would come in and find us… We can hear [the police officers]… Oh, my goodness. The mosquitoes are eating us alive, and I never took my daughter out, this is the first time. Never again. Woman: This is embarrassing. By the end of the seven-minute call, a K-9 unit had found the couple.

Now when the laughter settles I need you all to look at this story again, from a serious side. Think of what some are calling the “wussification of America” and if you are even a bit open to the concept, you will see exactly why this strikes us as funny. Because it’s NOT!

This is just a great example of how we have turned the people of this great country into sniveling children, afraid of nearly anything and unable to make a decent choice on our own. And this story shows us on so many levels.

Because I am a guy, I am going to blame the guy (for the most part) for how this came out. And maybe for those thinking about a corn maze I can give you a solution to the “lost” problem.

1.  Our adventurous couple, wants a family outing and decides a corn maze is the answer, never mind the child, it is of very little influence on our story, Think only of how “wussified” this kid will be when he/she grows up with these parents, .

2. The sun is going down and you realize that you are lost. What do you do? Call 9-1-1? Why not? Why should they take any responsibility for their stupidity?

3. “It’s a nightmare”… It’s a damn corn maze!

The police arrive and rescue the couple before they can even complete the 7 minute call.

Here’s my view of what is so wrong.

First, this couple should not be allowed out at night, late evening without parents to watch over them.

Second, for “city folks” that just might not know, Corn is grown on stalks. Not like a tree, these are bendable green plants. they move quite easily when pushed.

Third… Police and 9-1-1 operators have better things to do (even in Massachusetts). Even though, it looks like they were the only “grownups” in the crowd. Them and the K-9’s.

Here is my scenario and solution all wrapped up in one package.

We go to a corn maze, get lost and the sun is going down.

Step one: Follow the signs, the guys put together a maze and provide maps and solutions to the maze if all else fails.

Step two: If my wife or girlfriend whips out the trusty cell-phone, talking about calling 9-1-1, take it away from her with the pretense that you will call them.

Step three: Put the cell-phone in your pocket.

Step four: Look out and see any lights… You Do? OK, GREAT! The world has not disappeared.

Step five: Face the lights and say in a clear, strong voice (like Daniel Boone maybe) “Follow me!”

Step six: Start walking, it’s corn for god’s sake. Knock the stuff down, walk 25 feet through the stuff, come out to the clearing/parking lot, get in your car and go home.

Guys! This is a prime time to pretend you are a man. I think that what bothers me the most about this story is not that the woman thought that calling the police was a good answer, but that the “man” went along with it. If wife/girlfriend has already called the police and hands you the phone, try this. Granted it will probably not work since the police are required to respond if called, but at least it will give you some sense of respect back. Tell the police/operator that your wife is freaking out about the corn maze and that you got it handled, follow steps 1 through 6 and meet the police in the parking lot.

At least, then the cops won’t think you were the “wuss”.

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